Sometimes, I just don't believe myself.
I was doing the laundry yesterday. Our home helper needed the day off to attend to some personal matter of hers. I was putting one of his garments into the machine. As I did that, I spotted a strand of long blond hair clinging to it. I took it in my hand and then automatically had a sniff at the shirt. Then I found another blond hair on it. The shirt had a different scent on it too. My imaginations began to run wild. Anger, worry, jealousy, sadness, the whole works ran through me. Other half of me just couldn't believe what I was feeling. I said to myself, don't panic, don't jump to conclusions. Let's just observe first.
Of coz, it didn't go as I had planned. He came back on time that night. In fact, there was not the slightest change in his habits that I could really think of that might have caused me to have any suspicions of his infidelity at all. I asked him how his day went, what he did, what he ate, where he ate, if there were any new employees in the office and so many seemingly mundane questions. I dinna realized that when I was talking to him, I was actually being cold. My questions were more inquisitive or investigative as he later told me. May be coz I couldn't control myself I guess.
It did not escaped his attention, my behavior that is. Told me he was tired and needed sleep. He went straight to bed after shower, without dinner & at only 8.00pm. I was even more suspicious then. This, I told myself was NOT normal. May be all the other things have been normal so far, BUT tonite, THIS very action is NOT normal. I know that, I told myself many times. I dinna know what to do. One of the very few times in my life, i felt so helpless. So many things flashed thru' my mind then. Just a couple of days back, we were celebrating his birthday, now I'm in this position. My life without him, what would it be like? What was wrong with me? Has he changed? Why? So many things, too many things flashed thru my mind.It was 11pm as I crept into bed next to him, my eyes wet. I wanted to hold him, tell him it's ok, I forgive him but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. I lay next to him but facing the wall trying to blank my mind.
At 3.00am, I heard his voice.
"You think there's another woman in my life don't you Jen?" he said.
"I thought you were asleep?" I replied, my eyes still wet.
He repeated his question.
"Yes" I replied, "is there sha?"
I told him why , the strands of blond hair & the different scent of perfume on his shirt.
"You don't remember do you? It was just last Thursday and you have forgotten? That two strands of hair and a different scent just one time and you cry yourself to sleep? You really think I was out with another woman don't you?" He went on to add, he was annoyed initially. Now a couple of hours later, he finds it humorous. I was totally at lost. He had the audacity to smile too!
"Last Thursday, at the airport?? Emma??" said he.
And then, EVERYTHING fell into place!!! We had sent Emma off at the airport. She was visiting us. It was Emma's perfume and Emma's hair!!! She had hugged him and kissed him on his cheek!! I forgot about that cos I was on my cell!! How stupid of me!!! How could I just jump to such conclusions about him when he's done nothing to deserve it in the first place??! I was so angry with myself (relief too.....).
He pulled me closer, held me in his arms and said "I luv you Jen, always have. God willing, always will ..........even when your waist gets double in size, your cheeks droop, your skin wrinkles................."
I'll stop there.
"Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles"
I was doing the laundry yesterday. Our home helper needed the day off to attend to some personal matter of hers. I was putting one of his garments into the machine. As I did that, I spotted a strand of long blond hair clinging to it. I took it in my hand and then automatically had a sniff at the shirt. Then I found another blond hair on it. The shirt had a different scent on it too. My imaginations began to run wild. Anger, worry, jealousy, sadness, the whole works ran through me. Other half of me just couldn't believe what I was feeling. I said to myself, don't panic, don't jump to conclusions. Let's just observe first.
Of coz, it didn't go as I had planned. He came back on time that night. In fact, there was not the slightest change in his habits that I could really think of that might have caused me to have any suspicions of his infidelity at all. I asked him how his day went, what he did, what he ate, where he ate, if there were any new employees in the office and so many seemingly mundane questions. I dinna realized that when I was talking to him, I was actually being cold. My questions were more inquisitive or investigative as he later told me. May be coz I couldn't control myself I guess.
It did not escaped his attention, my behavior that is. Told me he was tired and needed sleep. He went straight to bed after shower, without dinner & at only 8.00pm. I was even more suspicious then. This, I told myself was NOT normal. May be all the other things have been normal so far, BUT tonite, THIS very action is NOT normal. I know that, I told myself many times. I dinna know what to do. One of the very few times in my life, i felt so helpless. So many things flashed thru' my mind then. Just a couple of days back, we were celebrating his birthday, now I'm in this position. My life without him, what would it be like? What was wrong with me? Has he changed? Why? So many things, too many things flashed thru my mind.It was 11pm as I crept into bed next to him, my eyes wet. I wanted to hold him, tell him it's ok, I forgive him but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. I lay next to him but facing the wall trying to blank my mind.
At 3.00am, I heard his voice.
"You think there's another woman in my life don't you Jen?" he said.
"I thought you were asleep?" I replied, my eyes still wet.
He repeated his question.
"Yes" I replied, "is there sha?"
I told him why , the strands of blond hair & the different scent of perfume on his shirt.
"You don't remember do you? It was just last Thursday and you have forgotten? That two strands of hair and a different scent just one time and you cry yourself to sleep? You really think I was out with another woman don't you?" He went on to add, he was annoyed initially. Now a couple of hours later, he finds it humorous. I was totally at lost. He had the audacity to smile too!
"Last Thursday, at the airport?? Emma??" said he.
And then, EVERYTHING fell into place!!! We had sent Emma off at the airport. She was visiting us. It was Emma's perfume and Emma's hair!!! She had hugged him and kissed him on his cheek!! I forgot about that cos I was on my cell!! How stupid of me!!! How could I just jump to such conclusions about him when he's done nothing to deserve it in the first place??! I was so angry with myself (relief too.....).
He pulled me closer, held me in his arms and said "I luv you Jen, always have. God willing, always will ..........even when your waist gets double in size, your cheeks droop, your skin wrinkles................."
I'll stop there.
"Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles"
