Yes or no? Do I or don't I? ehh, delete this blog I mean.
It's been ages since I update this. For a while, I forgot my password, couldn't log in. Now I'm busy with Aeynn. Thought I'd post her cute, luv'ly pics here but then we both decided against that. On top of that, I guess I've just lost interest in blogging. Don't read much blogs of late either.
Haven't even update the facebook too! I find myself spending less time online with tweeter, facebook, blogger, the tube etc etc.
For now, each waking hour I'm happily @ work or if not, spending the rest of the time with our darling precocious toddler. She's really quite a bundle. I love her, love her with all of my life!!! I remember my first time changing her diapers, ehehehe. Man oh man, I had always thought there was nuthin' to it. Boy, mistake, big mistake but well, you learn and life goes on. LOL.
What would make both me & Sha happier still if we could only take Bryan too. We both miss him. So much!
Oh well, i'll decide later on if I wanna delete this thingy.
Don't have much time now, so I'll keep this short. I, we I mean, adopted a 7 month old baby girl. She's now 9 months!! How time flies, gee whizz......her name's Aeynn. She's of mixed asian ancestry too. Aeynn came at just the right time & she's sooo pretty and smart too!! I'll post some pics later on, for now I really gotta go..
To all my buddies, thank uuuu. Sorry I took soooo long!!
Gave up my R6 today for good, sold it off. Decided to sell it after giving it so much thought. I really hate to give up riding but for now, I guess I'll do this (his R1's gone too anyway). Will settle for just my beetle................... for now.
Will show you guys LATER on the reason (yes singular) WHY we both decided to give up riding for good ;-)
I was doing the laundry yesterday. Our home helper needed the day off to attend to some personal matter of hers. I was putting one of his garments into the machine. As I did that, I spotted a strand of long blond hair clinging to it. I took it in my hand and then automatically had a sniff at the shirt. Then I found another blond hair on it. The shirt had a different scent on it too. My imaginations began to run wild. Anger, worry, jealousy, sadness, the whole works ran through me. Other half of me just couldn't believe what I was feeling. I said to myself, don't panic, don't jump to conclusions. Let's just observe first.
Of coz, it didn't go as I had planned. He came back on time that night. In fact, there was not the slightest change in his habits that I could really think of that might have caused me to have any suspicions of his infidelity at all. I asked him how his day went, what he did, what he ate, where he ate, if there were any new employees in the office and so many seemingly mundane questions. I dinna realized that when I was talking to him, I was actually being cold. My questions were more inquisitive or investigative as he later told me. May be coz I couldn't control myself I guess.
It did not escaped his attention, my behavior that is. Told me he was tired and needed sleep. He went straight to bed after shower, without dinner & at only 8.00pm. I was even more suspicious then. This, I told myself was NOT normal. May be all the other things have been normal so far, BUT tonite, THIS very action is NOT normal. I know that, I told myself many times. I dinna know what to do. One of the very few times in my life, i felt so helpless. So many things flashed thru' my mind then. Just a couple of days back, we were celebrating his birthday, now I'm in this position. My life without him, what would it be like? What was wrong with me? Has he changed? Why? So many things, too many things flashed thru my mind.It was 11pm as I crept into bed next to him, my eyes wet. I wanted to hold him, tell him it's ok, I forgive him but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. I lay next to him but facing the wall trying to blank my mind.
At 3.00am, I heard his voice.
"You think there's another woman in my life don't you Jen?" he said.
"I thought you were asleep?" I replied, my eyes still wet.
He repeated his question.
"Yes" I replied, "is there sha?"
I told him why , the strands of blond hair & the different scent of perfume on his shirt.
"You don't remember do you? It was just last Thursday and you have forgotten? That two strands of hair and a different scent just one time and you cry yourself to sleep? You really think I was out with another woman don't you?" He went on to add, he was annoyed initially. Now a couple of hours later, he finds it humorous. I was totally at lost. He had the audacity to smile too!
"Last Thursday, at the airport?? Emma??" said he.
And then, EVERYTHING fell into place!!! We had sent Emma off at the airport. She was visiting us. It was Emma's perfume and Emma's hair!!! She had hugged him and kissed him on his cheek!! I forgot about that cos I was on my cell!! How stupid of me!!! How could I just jump to such conclusions about him when he's done nothing to deserve it in the first place??! I was so angry with myself (relief too.....).
He pulled me closer, held me in his arms and said "I luv you Jen, always have. God willing, always will ..........even when your waist gets double in size, your cheeks droop, your skin wrinkles................."
I'll stop there.
"Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles"
I was walking along Albany earlier today, looking for a new dress for work & some other stuff. Sha was with me (reluctantly cos he needed to kill time while waiting for the Rav4 to have an oil change). We just had lunch so we thought we might as well walk a bit. As we passed WildGirls, I happened to notice a male staring in my direction. Dinna realize who the heck he was till he was just inches in front of us. He turned out to be an ex I had dumped when I was ohh like 21? ......... When I was waiting for you know who to give me some form of hint or answer if he wanted me or heaven knows who.........or what(!!!)
Anyway, conversation with my ex went like .... Ex: "Jen? That you?? " totally oblivious of the man I was with. Me : "Uhh yes and you??" Ex: " Derek, you don't remember?" Me: "Huh?? but you look soo different??" (he did look awesome I must admit)
And so the conversation went, about times past and present. Proudly introduced him to Sha, who was as tall and as hunky as he was or is, rather. Never detected any hint of jealousy in Sha or if he did, he hid it well. Sha dinna even asked me ONE question about Derek which made me felt quite annoyed then actually but he made me felt good later when we reached home . He did asked me more of Derek, like what's he doing now & such. I did sense some jealousy after all, lol.
Neways, i remembered why I broke up with Derek. He was simply too childish and horribly chauvinistic!!! My mind drifted to the time I met him, it always is heavenly when a relationship's just starting out but people always show their true colors.......in time. The "demon "will always appear, as in Sha's too actually. Well, I think I showed who I am, WHAT I am much earlier in our relationship. Glad Sha's accepted me for who I am (Luv you hun!)
I dunno about you, but I believe exes should stay exes. There's always a reason why you two dinna hit things off in the first place. I prefer to move on in life and not cry over spilled milk and yesterdays. Time's much too short.
Thank God REAL men exist.
& Happy Valentine's Day Sha , luv you today as I did yesterday. Even MORE!!!
for my English speaking friends = Happy New Year for my French speaking friends = je vous souhaite une bonne année for my Bahasa melayu speaking friends.......selamat tahun baharu for my Mukveh Gahenna "teachers" ;-) = kriey'ien nuy zyrhynn & for you hun, mUuuuUaaAcch!!!! Happy New Year!!! luv ya!!!!
later fellas.......3am NZ time...tired...zzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzZZzzzzz..........
I'm JenMarie & I'm 25. I'm an American citizen currently residing in New Zealand. This blog is a place where my "normal" self usually hangs out. It's a space I use to keep my sanity in check. My friends know WHERE my other not-so-sane self hangs out ;) I'll blog about anything under the sun.
This used to be a group blog but it's now just me, myself and I.
Hear the child cry, See her sorrow, Feel her pain, coz she'll be gone tomorrow Why oh why have we not learnt? War is never the answer, sane people want.
Hear the promises made, which are but hollow No more killing he says but more will soon follow Why oh why can't "leaders" see? War will always be, the literal Red Sea.
A child's life, an item "fane" Motionless in her father's weary arms, that life slowly wane Why oh why can't "leaders" be sane? Don't they know, their reasons for war are but lame?
He's doing God's bidding he exclaims & say God talks to him it seems every other day Why oh why can we not see it as bright as day? He & his friends are just plain mad, I dare say
*Something I wrote about the war in Iraq a while back.
