Missing YOU!!!!

Hmm, cobwebs on my blog, sigh. That long since my last entry? I've neglected this blog for quite sometime after Farah's death. Perhaps, now's the time to blog again.

I dunno. Well, I'll be with two of my gal buddies this festive season. He's somewhere in Argentina and back for a brief spell next Jan. I miss him, a lot (& if you're reading this dear, come back home fast. We can do with less money, I'd rather have you back home for good!)

Like I was saying, being alone sucks. I can never get used to this. Being left @ home when he gets an overseas posting. Just finished talking to him earlier. He calls me daily, never fails but still, after so many years proximity always gets the better of me. I always "use" my work to keep me busy. He left me the Highlander. Friends would know how picky and touchy he gets when someone else (me actually) drives that vehicle coz it's his favorite. I love my Beetle but when he's gone away, I always seem to prefer the Highlander. Most of my gfs would also laugh at me when I say I sleep with my man's clothes when he's away from me BUT(!) I suspect many of them actually would do the same thing too. Well, at least Eryn's honest (I know YOU are reading this), she does the same thing too.

Gawd, I miss you hun. Come home, screw the job!!! :/ We'll make do luv, somehow.

Miss ya (& I want you home for the holidays, please)

ps: Fairy Godmother, are you listening?

This Is Temporary

Hey guys, I'm staying away from blogger for the time being. I can't say yet until when, don't quite know yet. Most of you know where to contact me. Peace out fellas.

Jen

The Peace Song

I don't feel like blogging yet. I just wanted to include this video here. It's a touching, meaningful song really. Listen, I think you'll agree too.....unless one does not care for anything at all.

Peace out.

Here Without You (Goodbye Farah, Goodbye Dearest Sister).

How do U tell someone goodbye?? I mean, how do you say it when she's gone so sudden? I don't know. I do know that I miss her, a lot. It's been about 3 weeks today since Farah left us. I feel so big a chunk of my life's been taken away. I find myself sitting, staring zombie like so many a times. I find myself going through all my foto albums like I've seen it for the very first time. On my last entry, on the comments sections, on May 3, she made this comment, " We all have to go one day. My only hope is that we don't "trouble" those we leave behind "unnecessarily" sis. ....May 3, 2008 12:02 AM"

It's so odd (!) she made that remark and exactly a day later, she left us. I can't help but felt it's like she had some premonition of sorts. I don't know, I really don't know but I keep seeing her face in my mind's eye so vivid as if she's there in front of me, only to vanish into thin air when I try to hug her. When she passed away, she had so much to look forward to in life. She's always been entreprenuerial. She came here to set up a boutique chain. She managed to set up 7 boutiques in less than 18 months and all were running and humming sweetly. She was always on business trips here and there. One minute she'll be calling me somewhere from Paris or London and the next “Jen, release the gate hun, I'm right in front of your home.”

She gave me so much! I met my hubby through her. When she met my better half for the first time, she told me later, she went like “...hmm! Jen would love this guy!!!” and I did, I married him after a 5 year relationship. He cried like on the day his dad passed away. Farah (and Kai) were the two closest friends he had among all the buddies we have. We did not talk to each other for a couple of days after Farah's funeral. He took his paid leave and I did too. We just went about stuff very zombie like. Only in the last week did we both sit down during dinner and talked about her. We missed her, lotzzz. I cried till my tears dried out. I can't express the sorrow I feel. I dinna want to blog about this but I decided to, may be it'll help lighten the pain.

Her dad was so devastated, still is. She was the only child he had. He had always considered me and my hubby his son and daughter too. He was like a father to both of us. I feel my own pain, I feel Sha's pain and I feel her dad's pain. I find it so overwhelming at times.

I just extended my leave today for another fortnight. I feel I gotta be there too for her dad these few weeks.

I love you Fah. I'll miss you, always sister. Rest in Peace dearest sister.


Bye Farah. I LOVE YOU, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU !!!


Ps: To those that know her, Farah Hanizah died in an auto accident while back home in Brisbane on May 4, 2008. God Bless her soul. Amen. Now as I read my previous entry, with Farah's comments and the entry itself, all of it somehow seems so very, very strange!!

Clouds

"Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev'rywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev'ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all"

And so the song goes. I've not been utubing lately. What with work, classes and all. Omg, sometimes, no(!) actually all the time, time does indeed travel fast! I received the best news I could ever want (well for now at least), that we both won't need to zip here and there anymore. He's finally been granted a permanent "base". Thank God, after awhile it does get pretty tiring moving here and there. That's over for now. Yay!!!

Now, back to the song. Life, who knows what life is about anyway? I had an acquaintance that passed away last month. She was barely 23! Without going deeper into this, her mom felt relieved her daughter left this world (she was terminally ill). Mom could not bear any longer seeing the pain her daughter was going through. Me, I dunno what to make of things. I know life's fragile. Here one moment, gone the other. I know the pain of losing your loved ones though (I lost two). Anyway, I received a chain mail of sorts the other day from Nadine. In it, I'm supposed to answer some questions and forward it to sender and other friends. It's supposed to tell your friends things about you they're not aware of. Nadine re-sent me hers, so did a couple of others. I realized yeah, they were many things I did not know about my friends!

My wish in one of the questionnaire, that I get to tell all my loved ones and close friends I love them before I leave this world. So, while I do not know what life really is, I hope my real friends know they matter to me lots!

Obviously, that goes to you too hun. Always!

Later guys, out.

ps: On that last entry, it's another Que sera sera! ;)

Missing You

Most couples, now and then would surely have some form of squabble over errm, in-laws(?). It's like an unwritten rule in marriages where this disagreement over them would rear it's ugly face. It must surface, sooner or later in most if not all marriages. Of course while some can blow out of silly proportions, with others it might just be an average & below major grievances. Just something that irritates may be, who knows?

I don't really know if both of us would call not having this form of squabble as good fortune. I don't think we would. In our case, we'd kind of welcome it actually. Strange?

Both my parents passed on a couple of years ago. His mom passed on when he was a child & dad when he was in mid teens. When we got married, that was the thing we missed most, the presence of our parents both. A joy in getting married but at the same time, a feeling of tremendous lost in not seeing our parents at our sides.

Anyway, we were cuddling up in front of the TV one boring evening. I dinna know what sparked this off and I just said something like "I miss you both" referring to my late parents of course. He heard me mumbling and asked what I said. Before I can say anything, I went teary eyed. Well, in between sobs I explained what I had said.

I guess in all the time I've known him, 7-8 years or so, I've never seen him teary eyed, angry yes or disappointed yes but teary eyed? I don't think so. So as he hugged me tighter, I noticed his eyes were misty too. That made me sorta put my own emotions on hold. I put my fingers on both his eyes and tried to pull away the tears, like as if drying them. Why? I found myself asking him.

Later, much later when we talked he told me that at times lately, he's been thinking a lot of his late parents. Me too!! I told him. He just does not know why, me either. I'm not gonna go further into our conversation. I dun wanna bore you but it's odd it seems. Sometimes when two people have known each other intimately for many years, thought frequencies do get crossed! Have you ever come across that?

I think..

I think..

May be it's time we have kids??

Happy Paddy's Day!

I don't really celebrate St. Patrick's day but to those of you that do, Happy Paddy's Day!

cya guys all, hope to blog again.... soon.... I hope!

Going MIA

Hey friends, all. I'm gonna be off blogger and Youtube for quite a while. 2008 is sure starting out as a real busy year for me. My new life as a wife and working woman is something I am adapting to very well actually. I'm spending my last few weeks at the day care as I've made up my mind to take the offer at the medical centre. We've got a new Highlander that I get to drive :-D (I love him!! *wink*). As if things are not hectic enough, I now have Kutt. That's my new persian cat. I found him sniffing around our backyard and with no tags around, I've decided to keep him. He's so chubby and so cute! I'm sure he's not any of the neighbors' cat as I've not seen this one around. Well, if someone does come to claim him, I guess I would have to part with him then :(

Sha's cool with all my choices and well, what else can I say? Right from the SUV to the job and to the... well, cat :-D

I'll be back when things settled down friends. Have a good year this year!!

2008 :-)

Hey guys ;) Still kinda busy with stuff. I'll reply later on allright? Apologies fellas. Just to wish all friends and visitors a happy new year!! Enjoy Akon. I like this guy too. Thanks Cee :-)

It's not THE Akon vid itself but I chose this cos I think this guy did it quite well actually. Of course, the singing is done by Akon, thank God ;)

Well, here it is. Later friends.